:: missing ::

i dunno what i'm feeling.
I've lost control of myself.
And i certainly do not understand.

what should i do?or what can i do?
what do i want? what can i want?

Can i just have a decent happily-ever-after fairy tale?

mother of all bitches, give me a clue.

:: rollercoaster ride ::

So many things happened lately, be it good or bad... it's like i'm not able feel my emotions suddenly or rather confused. i guess i was exhilated, shocked, exhausted or simply,
overwhelmed.
In short, it has been a rollercoaster ride.
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Ah Bong's finally back from shanghai. I hugged her & realised she didn't change much. I'm glad & happy for her that she found her
special someone.
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Ah *** hasn't been feeling well. Got a call from Adrian & rushed down immediately. Life is so vulnerable & unpredictable. A lot of emotions was triggered. Felt the pain in my heart as i looked at him. There is so much to say, yet nothing came out. So lost, so painful. Wanna make the atmosphere lighter & cheery but ain't sure if it was appropriate. Deep down in my heart, i feel that everything will be fine, so will he. He's such a fighter. He will be fine. At least that's what i believe since the very day he told me. i'll keep believing.
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Saw many old friends from NTSS though i hope not it wasn't in that kinda situation. Nonetheless, it was nice seeing old friends again. Yanling, Weirong, Kevin, Eric Gan, Ah Boon, Michelle, Stella, Pei Yin..... They still look the same and getting along fine, at least it seems to me. Yanling just had her customary wedding & i saw her hubby. I'm happy for her that she is able to find her Mr. Right after what she had gone through with that someone in the past. Kinda envy that kinda simplicity in life. oh yes, Stella's getting married to her japanese bf on 1st Dec this year.
Congrats~
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Speaking of wedding.... A colleague of mine just proposed to his gf and he was successful. Oh well, he wouldn't dare to propose if he thinks he will fail right? And yes, not forgetting, Huiyi! Her bf proposed to her around Xmas... Though she grumbled that it wasn't really fantastic but i could feel the happiness and contend oozing out from her every word. How sweet, isn't it? I guess its my age...Friends around my age are all getting hitched...... while i'm still in a stage where all these still seems far away. Sometimes i wonder where will my turn be....but sometimes i rather not. Contradicting...that's just Val for you i guess. Ok ok ok ok...honest. i wanna get hitched too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with the right guy of course.
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Unsure about min. Completely beaten and down. No more energy to carry on. Jaded, exhausted and what's not...after these years. Plucked up courage to confront my own feelings & let him know. It didn't turn out as what i have expected from him. It was a pleasant surprise. As a matter of fact, i HAVE NEVER seen this side of him before....until now. It felt weird...i guess i felt the genuine side...the real part of him. As much as i wanted to be cruel, i still didn't have the heart to say goodbye, especially after he showed me his vulnerable side....So...i've to discard what i was feeling & try to start all over again. It wasn't easy to bring back the feelings like before (Note: i said "feelings" & not treatment..hee..i dun miss how he treated me last time, all right?)
we have to slowly take our time i suppose. I was confused but i was glad. I was glad he started to bare his soul to me. I hope things will only gets better from now. Whether or not this is a right move, time will tell. Prove it to me, baby.

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Lastly, this piece of news is fresh from oven. I just hit a car yesterday, along CTE while it was raining rather heavily. I was the fourth & last car. Nobody was injured & my damage was the least. BLOODY SHIT. Clean record for 5 years & now 1 bloody blackmark in my own record.

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~ As much as i think life's a bitch, i wanna to live my life to the fullest ~

:: get well ::

ah bra... Get well soon, will you? i know you will. i so know you will.

:: Nose blocked or Blocked nose? //// Sweet nothings ::

Whatever! nose blocked or blocked nose!! I'm having this stupid shit for the longest time EVER!!! More than a week!?!?!?! And i even have difficulty in breathing!! Especially in air-con room....always have to inhale deeply..and it doesn't help when the air-con in the BLOODY classroom is fucking freezing cold! Why on earth would they want the temperature so low even when the sky is dark and pouring like cats and dogs outside?!?!!? They think they have big fat money so can splurge on this useless-making-people-can't-breathe AIR-CONDITIONER!?!?!?!?!?

Besides, this pain-in-the-ass blocked nose or nose blocked is making me losing my appetite!!! Coz ONCE AGAIN, i can't even breathe when im eating as i need my MOUTH TO FUCKING BREATHE!!

AARRRGHH!!!!
And i sound so nasal whenever i speak that i hated myself. There is this irritating inner voice to ask me to SHUT-THE-FUCK-UP whenever i talk. i can't even stand THAT NASAL sound produced by my vocal organs of a vertebrate.

ok. Enough said. *shut up*
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By the way, i've received some little gifts from my friends...made me kinda feel bad that i didn't get them anything coz i didn't have the time to.... *bad bad val*

Anyway, here's what they give me.

This is what LOUIS gave us. Don't see this small small and you think nothing of it. Its damn bloody useful ok! He's so sweeeeeet and buy for all of us as we all need to use this for our Staff Pass. Now, i'll bring it wherever i work next time, around the world. Isn't it sweeeeeet?

JENNIFER gave us this cute little bottle filled with chocolates! And it was my favourite milk chocolate! It tasted especially sweet coz it's from her! Amidst the revision for the test, she made an effort to get all of us this little gift of love. This, not just left my tastebuds sweet, but also my heart!

This set is what our darling colleagues from india gave us. SABAA, UTTARA, RAJASI & AFSHAAN. So lovely, isn't it? Didn't expect it at all! They are really a bunch of fun-loving, crazy and lovely gals. And this will gift keep me smelling sweeeeet all the time!

Now, ladies and gentlemen... this is one of the sweetest gift i've received! Its from none other than my forever-beautiful-gorgeous sista CHERYL! Although it looks like a simple photo frame, its not just any ordinary photo frame with oridinary photos... Its a collage of those significant events that she and i have spent our 7 years of friendship together. From entering the uni to going to Sweden for our student exchange program to our travels around europe to the expedition trip to Cambodia and finally our convocation! Our sistahood, just like good wines, become deeper and richer as the time goes by. And i hope this precious and special bond between us will continue to grow....

I love u guys for those sweet little things.

*Hugs & Kisses*

:: that day::

Dear Santa,

I only wish for one thing and I hope i'm not too late.
**I wish for that day to come soon.**

2006 resolutions?? Haven't gave it a serious tots but here is the draft...

* A happy val with no worries
* A happy family
* A happy ending
* Earn more money to fulfill all other hidden agendas (hiak hiak)
* Collect more postcards and badges from around the globe.
* Adopt a child from third world country
* World peace
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All things happened for a reason i guess. The difference is how u will deal with it.
Shits happen but that's life. How u want the shit to be cleaned up all depends on how u see it and how u cleanse it. So that everyone will be convinced and be happy about it.

But how to ensure everyone is happy? someone has to take the rap, be finger-pointed or change completely in order for the majority rest to be happy? But why?? why can't everyone NOT be superficial and have different perspectives when looking at the same thing? Why judge when you dun even know something? What makes them think they know all things unless u are the almighty one? What makes them think everyone who have the same superficial characteristics are the same? And even though if someone think he/she has experience the so-called same encounters, does it mean its the same for everyone across the world? Sure there are some general characteristics but are there no room for exceptions? Or they just can't be bothered at all coz its always convenient to generialise things than to slowly find out the unique traits of everyone? If that's the cause of all disputes and controversies, then why didn't god make everyone the same? Aren't we suppose to see things beyond the first layer? I thought that's what differentiates men from other beings?

And so what if we all have different faiths...? Since when did faith told us to divide ourselves? I always thought the most beautiful thing in this world is the presence of diversity . So many different things in life... so many perspectives...so many different sides... Its a never-ending road of learning...its a never-ending road of beautiful surprises... its a never-ending road of wonderment. So why put a dead-end to it?

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Why some people close to my heart...still perceive as someone i'm completely not?
I don't say doesn't mean i am not.
Perhaps i have my reasons for doing so?
Perhaps i dunno how to react?
Perhaps its my way of not wanting them to worry?
Perhaps i have changed but u just perpetually think i'm still the same?
Perhaps they dun understand me at all?
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I've heard some words... that saddened me. It just pierced thru my heart.
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Should i be someone that everyone wants from me?
So, tell me your ideal Val.

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