:: missing ::

i dunno what i'm feeling.
I've lost control of myself.
And i certainly do not understand.

what should i do?or what can i do?
what do i want? what can i want?

Can i just have a decent happily-ever-after fairy tale?

mother of all bitches, give me a clue.

:: rollercoaster ride ::

So many things happened lately, be it good or bad... it's like i'm not able feel my emotions suddenly or rather confused. i guess i was exhilated, shocked, exhausted or simply,
overwhelmed.
In short, it has been a rollercoaster ride.
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Ah Bong's finally back from shanghai. I hugged her & realised she didn't change much. I'm glad & happy for her that she found her
special someone.
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Ah *** hasn't been feeling well. Got a call from Adrian & rushed down immediately. Life is so vulnerable & unpredictable. A lot of emotions was triggered. Felt the pain in my heart as i looked at him. There is so much to say, yet nothing came out. So lost, so painful. Wanna make the atmosphere lighter & cheery but ain't sure if it was appropriate. Deep down in my heart, i feel that everything will be fine, so will he. He's such a fighter. He will be fine. At least that's what i believe since the very day he told me. i'll keep believing.
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Saw many old friends from NTSS though i hope not it wasn't in that kinda situation. Nonetheless, it was nice seeing old friends again. Yanling, Weirong, Kevin, Eric Gan, Ah Boon, Michelle, Stella, Pei Yin..... They still look the same and getting along fine, at least it seems to me. Yanling just had her customary wedding & i saw her hubby. I'm happy for her that she is able to find her Mr. Right after what she had gone through with that someone in the past. Kinda envy that kinda simplicity in life. oh yes, Stella's getting married to her japanese bf on 1st Dec this year.
Congrats~
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Speaking of wedding.... A colleague of mine just proposed to his gf and he was successful. Oh well, he wouldn't dare to propose if he thinks he will fail right? And yes, not forgetting, Huiyi! Her bf proposed to her around Xmas... Though she grumbled that it wasn't really fantastic but i could feel the happiness and contend oozing out from her every word. How sweet, isn't it? I guess its my age...Friends around my age are all getting hitched...... while i'm still in a stage where all these still seems far away. Sometimes i wonder where will my turn be....but sometimes i rather not. Contradicting...that's just Val for you i guess. Ok ok ok ok...honest. i wanna get hitched too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with the right guy of course.
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Unsure about min. Completely beaten and down. No more energy to carry on. Jaded, exhausted and what's not...after these years. Plucked up courage to confront my own feelings & let him know. It didn't turn out as what i have expected from him. It was a pleasant surprise. As a matter of fact, i HAVE NEVER seen this side of him before....until now. It felt weird...i guess i felt the genuine side...the real part of him. As much as i wanted to be cruel, i still didn't have the heart to say goodbye, especially after he showed me his vulnerable side....So...i've to discard what i was feeling & try to start all over again. It wasn't easy to bring back the feelings like before (Note: i said "feelings" & not treatment..hee..i dun miss how he treated me last time, all right?)
we have to slowly take our time i suppose. I was confused but i was glad. I was glad he started to bare his soul to me. I hope things will only gets better from now. Whether or not this is a right move, time will tell. Prove it to me, baby.

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Lastly, this piece of news is fresh from oven. I just hit a car yesterday, along CTE while it was raining rather heavily. I was the fourth & last car. Nobody was injured & my damage was the least. BLOODY SHIT. Clean record for 5 years & now 1 bloody blackmark in my own record.

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~ As much as i think life's a bitch, i wanna to live my life to the fullest ~

:: get well ::

ah bra... Get well soon, will you? i know you will. i so know you will.