How do you define success in life? What is the KPI?
Your own KPI, society's KPI or the KPI within your circle of friends?
31 December 2008
22 July 2008
:: Singapore or UK? Singapore. ::
The plan was to decide whether we will remain in sunny Singapore or return back to the gloomy skies of UK when both of us come back here in Singapore for our wedding. Well, it didn't take long for him to decide to stay put in this small island while I'm still half-hearted about the decision.
There are pros and cons about the 2 countries. The main reason for his decision to remain here is.....none other than me. He figured out that I would be happier here coz that's where my family and friends are and these people are important to me. These are also the ones that remind me of my existence in this world.
Having said that, I simply do not wish I am the reason that could possibly destroy the rare opportunities he may have in UK. I could deal with living by ourselves in UK. I do feel sufficient if its just the two of us. After all, the plan is to save as much as possible should we choose to stay in UK. For the same amount of money earned in pounds, you could be doing a part-time job whereas in Singapore, you might be slogging your arse off.
Or maybe... just maybe... I am too used to doing nothing for now? The idea of going back to a desk-bound 9-5 job and joining all the other rats in the race in Singapore just do not appeal to me. Maybe I'm in denial. I wish I could have my earning power back yet not slogging my precious life away. WORK-LIFE BALANCE damnit! Can Singapore really achieve that?
There are pros and cons about the 2 countries. The main reason for his decision to remain here is.....none other than me. He figured out that I would be happier here coz that's where my family and friends are and these people are important to me. These are also the ones that remind me of my existence in this world.
Having said that, I simply do not wish I am the reason that could possibly destroy the rare opportunities he may have in UK. I could deal with living by ourselves in UK. I do feel sufficient if its just the two of us. After all, the plan is to save as much as possible should we choose to stay in UK. For the same amount of money earned in pounds, you could be doing a part-time job whereas in Singapore, you might be slogging your arse off.
Or maybe... just maybe... I am too used to doing nothing for now? The idea of going back to a desk-bound 9-5 job and joining all the other rats in the race in Singapore just do not appeal to me. Maybe I'm in denial. I wish I could have my earning power back yet not slogging my precious life away. WORK-LIFE BALANCE damnit! Can Singapore really achieve that?
25 June 2008
:: back!! ::
It feels good to be back!!!! Enough said!!!!
But the weather not so welcoming though...its hot and sticky!!!
But the weather not so welcoming though...its hot and sticky!!!
20 May 2008
:: a fairytale?? ::
I was watching the movie "Music and Lyrics" again that was showing on SKY movies channel this afternoon. One phrase in the show struck me. "...you always have this fairytale in your head and when it doesn't happen, you can't deal with it..." Something along that line. I think I'm also such a person. I like to dream and I always dream the most perfect fairytale. I like to paint a wonderful picture of everything that surrounds me. I wanted to be that someone, to have that something, etc etc... But the truth is... You don't always get what you dream about. And I can't deal with that. Of course, you would continue to strive towards that dream of yours but sometimes its just beyond your capacity. And then you start settling for second best? Now... that doesn't sound right. I think one should not settle for second best. It's All or Nothing...isn't it?
I always dreamt to have a beautiful wedding...a fairytale wedding. I think that's one of the most defining moments of one's life. The start of a brand new chapter, a new beginning of another exciting life together. But that's the extent to what I dream about. I don't have details about how beautiful my wedding would be. It will just be b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l. Something that's beyond words, beyond any description. It is just a feeling, you know it when it comes. How silly isn't it?
When all the wedding preparation started, I began to think hard of what I want... What's in the fairytale that I have been dreaming about? It didn't drop from the sky. I bought magazines and checked the internet for references. Everything in the magazines looks so fabulous but sadly you can't put everything together!! It would really look hideous wouldn't it? Its tough to make such decisions! And then it slowly comes together piece by piece.
I'm not joking when I say I had several nightmares of the wedding. I don't know why but I guess I was too stressed and worried too much that things would not run smoothly. It's just the mild perfectionist in me. But there was one nightmare that made me pretty happy. In it, everything was chaotic except for one thing - my hair! It was beautiful! And you know who styled it? My dearest grandma! This particular nightmare made me smile. When my sis and I were young, she was the one who always styled our hair to make us look like princesses, be it ponytails, plaits or buns. I miss her so much...and wish she was still around to witness my wedding. I guess she's in a better place now...perhaps she has a better view of all of us from up above. :p
I always dreamt to have a beautiful wedding...a fairytale wedding. I think that's one of the most defining moments of one's life. The start of a brand new chapter, a new beginning of another exciting life together. But that's the extent to what I dream about. I don't have details about how beautiful my wedding would be. It will just be b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l. Something that's beyond words, beyond any description. It is just a feeling, you know it when it comes. How silly isn't it?
When all the wedding preparation started, I began to think hard of what I want... What's in the fairytale that I have been dreaming about? It didn't drop from the sky. I bought magazines and checked the internet for references. Everything in the magazines looks so fabulous but sadly you can't put everything together!! It would really look hideous wouldn't it? Its tough to make such decisions! And then it slowly comes together piece by piece.
I'm not joking when I say I had several nightmares of the wedding. I don't know why but I guess I was too stressed and worried too much that things would not run smoothly. It's just the mild perfectionist in me. But there was one nightmare that made me pretty happy. In it, everything was chaotic except for one thing - my hair! It was beautiful! And you know who styled it? My dearest grandma! This particular nightmare made me smile. When my sis and I were young, she was the one who always styled our hair to make us look like princesses, be it ponytails, plaits or buns. I miss her so much...and wish she was still around to witness my wedding. I guess she's in a better place now...perhaps she has a better view of all of us from up above. :p
06 May 2008
:: Am i missing out or are you missing out? ::
As what the title of this entry clearly spells out, I wonder if I'm missing out stuff in Singapore or my family and friends are missing out stuff here, especially there's alot of going-on with the wedding preparation.
No doubt I'm not surrounded by the oh-so familiar people and environment, but I realised it is sufficient for me, with him just by my side. It has been a great time, slowly discovering each other queer queer living habits. Pointing it out loud to each other and promising to compromise to make us more comfortable...has been rather easy. Oh wait, i think i'm the one complaining the most. keke. He does not have much complaints. Hmm...I think i'm too good for him to make noise? lol. Nah, he's just very easy going and take things at his stride. Seldom does he get angry at all. But when he does get a little agitated (coz I like to push my luck), I'll chicken out. I know I'm pushing it. And then when i asked if he is angry with me, he's never said he was. The most i get from him was "mildly irritated" according to him.
Well, I guess after what he has been through in his past, he has learned to control his emotions TOO well. He learned not to get angry but when he really does, he roars, which, according to him has never really happened in recent years. He learned not to dwell in his emotions too much just in case he falls back to that state again if he is not careful. Hence, he is very cautious with his emotions.
He may seem nonchalant on the outside at times (and often misunderstood, oops!), but he is going through a lot in his mind. I didn't really find out until one day I was really pissed coz there's so much wedding preparation to do and I didn't really see him doing anything. So that was the first time i raised my voice at him. He listened to whatever I said and agreed to do whatever I wanted him to do. I thought it finally got through his head. But I looked at him quietly for a minute. I felt as though I have wronged him. So I asked him to speak up. Well, I found that that he just works differently from me. But that doesn't mean he's not working on it. So why doesn't he speak up and tell me that I've misunderstood him? I guess he just wants to make me happy by doing things MY way. I'm a little tyrant eh? >.<
On a side note, it just amazed me how I find 24 hours a day is just not enough. I think I'm working towards to becoming a successful professional bummer! I find each day passes so quickly even when I'm not doing anything!! Okay, i admit for the past week i have been hooked on my game. And the reason why I am writing this blog entry is because it is server maintenance day every Tuesday and this means i can't play until evening!! I want to level my character quickly so i can play with my friends at the same level. It has now become an addiction. Helllppp!!!
Of course, from time to time, what also keeps me busy is the wedding preparation. From sending emails to my bridesmaids to fitting the gowns to finding good deals from suppliers, discussing on the collaterals and finding on-site locations for photo shoots. There's a lotsa stuff to do! It is at times like this you wish you have your family and friends around to share your happiness and fun and giving you their honest opinions while making all these preps.
Thankfully, Jenn was here for a couple of days, I was able to indulge in those moments for a while. She has been a great help, my moral supporter, my trusted confidante, even when she's far far away...flying across different countries every now and then. I appreciate that and couldn't be more thankful. (just as i finished writing, Jenn said she might be coming to visit again!! yay!! my sweetheart!!)
No doubt I'm not surrounded by the oh-so familiar people and environment, but I realised it is sufficient for me, with him just by my side. It has been a great time, slowly discovering each other queer queer living habits. Pointing it out loud to each other and promising to compromise to make us more comfortable...has been rather easy. Oh wait, i think i'm the one complaining the most. keke. He does not have much complaints. Hmm...I think i'm too good for him to make noise? lol. Nah, he's just very easy going and take things at his stride. Seldom does he get angry at all. But when he does get a little agitated (coz I like to push my luck), I'll chicken out. I know I'm pushing it. And then when i asked if he is angry with me, he's never said he was. The most i get from him was "mildly irritated" according to him.
Well, I guess after what he has been through in his past, he has learned to control his emotions TOO well. He learned not to get angry but when he really does, he roars, which, according to him has never really happened in recent years. He learned not to dwell in his emotions too much just in case he falls back to that state again if he is not careful. Hence, he is very cautious with his emotions.
He may seem nonchalant on the outside at times (and often misunderstood, oops!), but he is going through a lot in his mind. I didn't really find out until one day I was really pissed coz there's so much wedding preparation to do and I didn't really see him doing anything. So that was the first time i raised my voice at him. He listened to whatever I said and agreed to do whatever I wanted him to do. I thought it finally got through his head. But I looked at him quietly for a minute. I felt as though I have wronged him. So I asked him to speak up. Well, I found that that he just works differently from me. But that doesn't mean he's not working on it. So why doesn't he speak up and tell me that I've misunderstood him? I guess he just wants to make me happy by doing things MY way. I'm a little tyrant eh? >.<
On a side note, it just amazed me how I find 24 hours a day is just not enough. I think I'm working towards to becoming a successful professional bummer! I find each day passes so quickly even when I'm not doing anything!! Okay, i admit for the past week i have been hooked on my game. And the reason why I am writing this blog entry is because it is server maintenance day every Tuesday and this means i can't play until evening!! I want to level my character quickly so i can play with my friends at the same level. It has now become an addiction. Helllppp!!!
Of course, from time to time, what also keeps me busy is the wedding preparation. From sending emails to my bridesmaids to fitting the gowns to finding good deals from suppliers, discussing on the collaterals and finding on-site locations for photo shoots. There's a lotsa stuff to do! It is at times like this you wish you have your family and friends around to share your happiness and fun and giving you their honest opinions while making all these preps.
Thankfully, Jenn was here for a couple of days, I was able to indulge in those moments for a while. She has been a great help, my moral supporter, my trusted confidante, even when she's far far away...flying across different countries every now and then. I appreciate that and couldn't be more thankful. (just as i finished writing, Jenn said she might be coming to visit again!! yay!! my sweetheart!!)
02 April 2008
:: UK ::
Hello!!
Greetings from the United Kingdom!
I have been here for only slightly more than a month. And I'm slowly settling in.
Things have been fine so far, and I'm glad it turns out pretty well. That is to say, no major arguments or quarrels, or any other weird things I thought I have to put up coz we're living under the same roof.
In case u all are wondering, I wasn't really shaking my legs here in UK. I was rather busy you know! Ya ya ya, i know you all must be wondering, just what on god's green earth am i busy with? Well, here's a quick summary of what I had been doing for the past month.
1st week: The first days were spent cleaning the room, re-arranging the furniture,
bought more racks for my clothes, unpacking my luggages, and not forgetting
trying to adjust to the time zone. My friends and family would be flying
over in a weeks' time so I was also busy with researching on places to go,
booking tickets, settling logistics. My folks and I would be going to prague
and so I had to research more on that and since it is a free and easy thing,
I had to provide my folks with the information on the places we are gonna
visit in CHINESE.
4 days later: Daniel and friend came over from Frankfurt. It was really nice of them
to fly up to visit me and I'm glad to have made a new friend! We toured
around London, and simply hang around at home.
We had barbeque one night at our backyard. The weather was cold
especially when the sun sets! The place was made warmer by this fire pit
in the middle of the table. It was nice and cosy. We ate, drink and did
some catching up with one another. We even had a surprise birthday cake
(baked by me and Krumbs!) for Jason! Love the smile on someone's face
when he/she was given a surprise!! Priceless!
And then we played some games and had more drinks till Jason konked out.
kekeke!
2 days later: My folks, sis and cousin flew over from Singapore for about 1.5 weeks.
I showed them around the house, my home in UK for now. Though Bran and
my folks can't communicate fluently coz my folks can't speak English
well, they got along fine! I remembered one night Bran came home a
little tipsy from his regular pub drinks, he kept talking to my dad
about german language as Bran knows a little German. It was a funny
scene coz it seems like one was teaching the other German when they both
don't understand each other. And my dad was trapped coz everyone wasn't
around and he can't possibly stand up and leave Bran there in the middle
of a conversation. Ha.
We toured London too. It was not a very comfortable experience coz it
was bloody cold with strong winds! I pitied my dad, sis and cousin who
had to brave the cold and wind while sitting on the open top of The Big
Bus Sightseeing Tour around London.
Then, off we went to Prague for 3 days. We (excluding my mum coz she
prefers sceneries) were awed by the historical buildings especially the
Saint Vitus Cathedral sitting on top of the Prague Castle. The
historical architecture all around the city is what makes it unique.
When walking around the city, an ancient feel seems to be still
lingering around. You could imagine how it was like a few hundred
years ago...
The experience in Prague could have been way better if not for the fact
that my dad was pick-pocketed on the very next morning. He lost his
wallet and 2 of our passports. I was so angry and you can hear me
cursing and swearing on the tram. Well, i guessed it can't helped
especially when we were already targeted right at the beginning at the
tram stop. 3 big guys followed us up to the tram and tried to sandwich
my dad. My sis immediately felt something was wrong and quickly took the
bag which my dad was holding and turned her back away. My dad was still
in between them when one pretended to be friendly and offered to help us
to stamp the tickets on the machine. I think that was when the other
accomplice slipped his hand into my dad's pockets and took the wallet
and 2 passports. My mum, cousin and I were just a few steps away from
them. The 3 buggers alighted at the next stop and my sis quickly asked
my dad to check our belongings. That was when he shouted that our stuff
were gone. The tram left the stop.
Then we spent half the day in police station and making calls back to Sg
and UK. Thanks to Krumbs and his aunt help, we manage to find the
General Consulate of Singapore and successfully got the paper work done
quickly. So we flew back to UK safely. I think I will not go back there
again.
After we came back from Prague, we decided to drive up north (about 6
hours drive) to Lake District where there is lotsa sceneries for my mum.
Coz you see, my dad loves history, my mum enjoys sceneries. So the first
half of the holiday my mum did not really enjoy. Krumbs booked an
excellent hotel with great view and all of us, including Bran and
Krumb's mum enjoyed ourselves. We had a few walks...went to a waterfall,
climbed to the top of a hill and walked around the town.
This is where Krumbs proposed too. Right in front of the lake, just the
two of us.
I did not think I would be embarrassed but I was!! And I forgot whether I
said yes. hahaha... but i did take the ring. Kekeke.
Then we broke the news to my folks!
I would go back to Lake District during summer.
And so, Lake District was the last stop. They went back to Singapore the
next day. I was sad that they had to leave so soon but I'm glad i have
shared with them what's in my life now. My folks and I weeped a little as
we bade goodbye. Then i smsed a "I love u all" before they boarded
the plane.
4th week to now: So as you can see, I did not have the time to settle in properly
after I came to UK. I was busy running around! kekeke...
For those who miss my kukuness and my great look, hope this satisfies you! BLEAH!!!
Greetings from the United Kingdom!
I have been here for only slightly more than a month. And I'm slowly settling in.
Things have been fine so far, and I'm glad it turns out pretty well. That is to say, no major arguments or quarrels, or any other weird things I thought I have to put up coz we're living under the same roof.
In case u all are wondering, I wasn't really shaking my legs here in UK. I was rather busy you know! Ya ya ya, i know you all must be wondering, just what on god's green earth am i busy with? Well, here's a quick summary of what I had been doing for the past month.
1st week: The first days were spent cleaning the room, re-arranging the furniture,
bought more racks for my clothes, unpacking my luggages, and not forgetting
trying to adjust to the time zone. My friends and family would be flying
over in a weeks' time so I was also busy with researching on places to go,
booking tickets, settling logistics. My folks and I would be going to prague
and so I had to research more on that and since it is a free and easy thing,
I had to provide my folks with the information on the places we are gonna
visit in CHINESE.
4 days later: Daniel and friend came over from Frankfurt. It was really nice of them
to fly up to visit me and I'm glad to have made a new friend! We toured
around London, and simply hang around at home.
We had barbeque one night at our backyard. The weather was cold
especially when the sun sets! The place was made warmer by this fire pit
in the middle of the table. It was nice and cosy. We ate, drink and did
some catching up with one another. We even had a surprise birthday cake
(baked by me and Krumbs!) for Jason! Love the smile on someone's face
when he/she was given a surprise!! Priceless!
And then we played some games and had more drinks till Jason konked out.
kekeke!
2 days later: My folks, sis and cousin flew over from Singapore for about 1.5 weeks.
I showed them around the house, my home in UK for now. Though Bran and
my folks can't communicate fluently coz my folks can't speak English
well, they got along fine! I remembered one night Bran came home a
little tipsy from his regular pub drinks, he kept talking to my dad
about german language as Bran knows a little German. It was a funny
scene coz it seems like one was teaching the other German when they both
don't understand each other. And my dad was trapped coz everyone wasn't
around and he can't possibly stand up and leave Bran there in the middle
of a conversation. Ha.
We toured London too. It was not a very comfortable experience coz it
was bloody cold with strong winds! I pitied my dad, sis and cousin who
had to brave the cold and wind while sitting on the open top of The Big
Bus Sightseeing Tour around London.
Then, off we went to Prague for 3 days. We (excluding my mum coz she
prefers sceneries) were awed by the historical buildings especially the
Saint Vitus Cathedral sitting on top of the Prague Castle. The
historical architecture all around the city is what makes it unique.
When walking around the city, an ancient feel seems to be still
lingering around. You could imagine how it was like a few hundred
years ago...
The experience in Prague could have been way better if not for the fact
that my dad was pick-pocketed on the very next morning. He lost his
wallet and 2 of our passports. I was so angry and you can hear me
cursing and swearing on the tram. Well, i guessed it can't helped
especially when we were already targeted right at the beginning at the
tram stop. 3 big guys followed us up to the tram and tried to sandwich
my dad. My sis immediately felt something was wrong and quickly took the
bag which my dad was holding and turned her back away. My dad was still
in between them when one pretended to be friendly and offered to help us
to stamp the tickets on the machine. I think that was when the other
accomplice slipped his hand into my dad's pockets and took the wallet
and 2 passports. My mum, cousin and I were just a few steps away from
them. The 3 buggers alighted at the next stop and my sis quickly asked
my dad to check our belongings. That was when he shouted that our stuff
were gone. The tram left the stop.
Then we spent half the day in police station and making calls back to Sg
and UK. Thanks to Krumbs and his aunt help, we manage to find the
General Consulate of Singapore and successfully got the paper work done
quickly. So we flew back to UK safely. I think I will not go back there
again.
After we came back from Prague, we decided to drive up north (about 6
hours drive) to Lake District where there is lotsa sceneries for my mum.
Coz you see, my dad loves history, my mum enjoys sceneries. So the first
half of the holiday my mum did not really enjoy. Krumbs booked an
excellent hotel with great view and all of us, including Bran and
Krumb's mum enjoyed ourselves. We had a few walks...went to a waterfall,
climbed to the top of a hill and walked around the town.
This is where Krumbs proposed too. Right in front of the lake, just the
two of us.
I did not think I would be embarrassed but I was!! And I forgot whether I
said yes. hahaha... but i did take the ring. Kekeke.
Then we broke the news to my folks!
I would go back to Lake District during summer.
And so, Lake District was the last stop. They went back to Singapore the
next day. I was sad that they had to leave so soon but I'm glad i have
shared with them what's in my life now. My folks and I weeped a little as
we bade goodbye. Then i smsed a "I love u all" before they boarded
the plane.
4th week to now: So as you can see, I did not have the time to settle in properly
after I came to UK. I was busy running around! kekeke...
For those who miss my kukuness and my great look, hope this satisfies you! BLEAH!!!
19 January 2008
:: melancholic ::
Well, 2008 has come and 2007 has passed in a blink of an eye. Its amazing how time flies. I remember when I was younger, I always imagine how I'll be like when I am 25, 26, 27... This year I'm gonna be 28. And I'm no way near what I had imagined myself to be. :) Though that doesn't mean a bad thing.
I had imagined myself, at this age, to be someone who is already experienced in my area of work. But I am not. In fact, I had just started working not very long ago and my experience? A mere 2.5 years. However, I am not complaining coz I didn't regret the path I've chosen, the decisions I had made that made me where I am today.
I am contented I chose to leave Junior College after a year there and made my way to Singapore Polytechnic. I really did enjoyed my days in Poly, in fact I was happier. It was almost carefree. Now that I think back, there were several childish moments and its nice to have such fond memories. Had I not decided to go SP, I wouldn't have met my good friend, who has been with me all the way to university and went through the ups and downs with me all these years. Also, the good friends I made in university, the stockholm exchange and the Youth Expedition Project that followed. I guess everything happen for a reason eh?
Not that I regretted leaving JC. At least that's where I met him and knew what love is. Hahaha. Lame.
Well, I had thought I would be someone working in the office, who dresses in smart suits or pretty office wear, carrying a briefcase, working hard and climbing up the corporate ladder, carving out a career out there in the corporate world.
But HELL no. I was wearing a uniform. A uniform that the world recognizes (eerr..at least most of the world, some asked if we were from thai or msia airlines). A uniform that not only represents the company but the fine country that I live in. I may be just a tiny fraction of the large pool of crew, but I'm proud to say I was once part of the Singapore Girl, part of the "Great way to fly". :p I do not carry any briefcase but I carry luggages. I do not climb the corporate ladder but I walk. I walked from Singapore to London, Singapore to Sydney, Singapore to Shanghai, etc. kekeke.
I remember I hesitated to sign the contract as they broke the news to me that I've been chosen. There were many factors I needed to consider. In the end, the main reason that stood out was "I can only do this when I am young." So there. I flew for a while and have at least fulfilled one of my goals: Travel around the world!
Talking about youth, before I left the airline, there were many new crew who joined. Not only are they new, they are freaking young. Can you imagine someone at the age of 19, 20 or 21??? I couldn't believe my ear when I overheard a crew telling the other that she was born in 1987 or 1988. I turned around and went "WHAT?!" All right, I have to admit I'm getting older by the days. Generation gap exist!!!! haha.
When I was teenager, I thought that I'll get married by the age of 26. Bare in mind that 26 was already considered a little late at that point in time. Look! I'm way past 26 and...no way near married.
Age is just a figure, isn't it? Maybe when I say this, many of you would laugh at me but I just don't feel like I'm 28 at all! I feel as though I'm still like 24, 25ish. (hey, some crew did think that I was 24 and were in shock when I told them my age. hahaha. okie i have brag enough)
Now that a new year has come, I certainly hope it would be a better year than the last. 2007 was a little painful to begin with. Losing someone you love and knowing that you did not cherish enough and could have done better, was a little too much to deal with. The pain is still there and the wound still feels fresh. And all i can hold on to are the fond memories of her and the painful lesson learnt.
Sometimes we talked as if she is still around. "Ask nai nai to alter for you lor" my mum would said when I asked her to help me alter my clothes coz it was always my grandma who helped us to alter clothes. My heart aches everytime I hear such words. "okay, then I'll burn this for her and hope she'll receive" I would laughed it off to ease the pain. Sometimes we will go "haiz, if nai nai is around, it wouldn't be like this....she would have done this...done that..."
Yesterday we went for the prayer session as it was the one-year anniversary. Got a little melancholic and I kept telling myself not to think in order not to wet my eyes. My cousin told me there was once my aunty called my nai nai's house at about 12pm, the time she will always call when my grandma's still around. Coincidentally, my cousin picked up the phone and my aunty's heart almost jumped coz at that moment in time, she thought it was actually my nai nai. You see, everyone misses her and wishes she had never gone.
Well, I guess shit happens but life still goes on. I can either have myself indulge in sorrow or climb out of it and make sure I would never do the same again. I think I choose the latter. Regret is one thing that I can't handle well. I have her as my role model in my heart and I'll try to be the woman that she was when she was alive. I may not be as great as her but i would certainly try my best.
In one month's time, I will be away for a while. I hope all will be good.
I do not know for sure if that is a right decision as my heart still feel a little unease. As much as I would love to take a break, enjoy a little English life, be by krumb's side, I am worried about things at home. I would be home sick. I would miss my parents, the pointless arguments i have with sister, the company of friends.
I know it is a good opportunity for me to explore out there and see if i can find any work. It'll do good for my future. However, the thought of being so far away from home just makes me a little uneasy. I would still go ahead with the plan, rest assured. Guess I'm just being worrisome? It will be only half a year and hopefully, nothing will happen at home.
***********************
I went for the annual MRI and holter test in December. The result was out and I was there to see my doc last week. The results showed the same thing. It is still not confirm I have ARVD coz I merely fulfill the minor criteria or rather I seem to be at the early stages of ARVD. I asked the doc if it will worsen as time pass, but doc replied that there is no definite answer. It may worsen or it may not happen in my life time at all. Hence, the need to go for an annual mri check as he wants to monitor closely.
But what is confirmed is that I have PVC(Premature Ventricular Contractions) and an abnormal heart. PVC coupled with an abnormal heart would be potentially life threatening. I really do not feel like taking the medication for PVC but my doc said he is not comfortable with me not taking any medication especially when my PVC rate is very high. Guess I just have to eat this time.... Hey, i have to take every 12 hour everyday leh!!!!! and the pills are so expensive... :'( My brother is also taking another kind of pill for his heart condition and he advised me to eat the medicine. I may not think the medicine does anything for now but over time, it could potentially save my life if one day it should happen. So it is up to me whether I want to take that risk.
Doc also told me that there is a decrease in the functionality of the left chamber of my heart, from 54% last year to 49%. I was told that a normal person would be about 60%. However, some of the decrease could also be due to the measurement error during the mri test as my high PVC prevents it from taking the images accurately. Well, he said he can't say that there is a substantial progression but there is a certainly a progression. Hmm... I think what he meant was there is a progression towards deteriotion of my heart??
I wondered if what I have could be another kind of heart condition instead of ARVD. The doctor replied "The MRI basically tells the whole story." hmm..okay, i could be a potential ARVD patient then.. Or am I already one???
Anyway, if one day i should collapse and my heart stop beating, I hope my friends would be able to revive me using CPR. So peeps, please go and learn this might-potentially-save-val's-life skill!!! Oh, if one day i should faint for no reason, I need to go hospital and inform my doc too. Peeps, his name card is inside my wallet. Hahahhaa...
And if one day I should go suddenly......
I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!
All right people, stay healthy.
I had imagined myself, at this age, to be someone who is already experienced in my area of work. But I am not. In fact, I had just started working not very long ago and my experience? A mere 2.5 years. However, I am not complaining coz I didn't regret the path I've chosen, the decisions I had made that made me where I am today.
I am contented I chose to leave Junior College after a year there and made my way to Singapore Polytechnic. I really did enjoyed my days in Poly, in fact I was happier. It was almost carefree. Now that I think back, there were several childish moments and its nice to have such fond memories. Had I not decided to go SP, I wouldn't have met my good friend, who has been with me all the way to university and went through the ups and downs with me all these years. Also, the good friends I made in university, the stockholm exchange and the Youth Expedition Project that followed. I guess everything happen for a reason eh?
Not that I regretted leaving JC. At least that's where I met him and knew what love is. Hahaha. Lame.
Well, I had thought I would be someone working in the office, who dresses in smart suits or pretty office wear, carrying a briefcase, working hard and climbing up the corporate ladder, carving out a career out there in the corporate world.
But HELL no. I was wearing a uniform. A uniform that the world recognizes (eerr..at least most of the world, some asked if we were from thai or msia airlines). A uniform that not only represents the company but the fine country that I live in. I may be just a tiny fraction of the large pool of crew, but I'm proud to say I was once part of the Singapore Girl, part of the "Great way to fly". :p I do not carry any briefcase but I carry luggages. I do not climb the corporate ladder but I walk. I walked from Singapore to London, Singapore to Sydney, Singapore to Shanghai, etc. kekeke.
I remember I hesitated to sign the contract as they broke the news to me that I've been chosen. There were many factors I needed to consider. In the end, the main reason that stood out was "I can only do this when I am young." So there. I flew for a while and have at least fulfilled one of my goals: Travel around the world!
Talking about youth, before I left the airline, there were many new crew who joined. Not only are they new, they are freaking young. Can you imagine someone at the age of 19, 20 or 21??? I couldn't believe my ear when I overheard a crew telling the other that she was born in 1987 or 1988. I turned around and went "WHAT?!" All right, I have to admit I'm getting older by the days. Generation gap exist!!!! haha.
When I was teenager, I thought that I'll get married by the age of 26. Bare in mind that 26 was already considered a little late at that point in time. Look! I'm way past 26 and...no way near married.
Age is just a figure, isn't it? Maybe when I say this, many of you would laugh at me but I just don't feel like I'm 28 at all! I feel as though I'm still like 24, 25ish. (hey, some crew did think that I was 24 and were in shock when I told them my age. hahaha. okie i have brag enough)
Now that a new year has come, I certainly hope it would be a better year than the last. 2007 was a little painful to begin with. Losing someone you love and knowing that you did not cherish enough and could have done better, was a little too much to deal with. The pain is still there and the wound still feels fresh. And all i can hold on to are the fond memories of her and the painful lesson learnt.
Sometimes we talked as if she is still around. "Ask nai nai to alter for you lor" my mum would said when I asked her to help me alter my clothes coz it was always my grandma who helped us to alter clothes. My heart aches everytime I hear such words. "okay, then I'll burn this for her and hope she'll receive" I would laughed it off to ease the pain. Sometimes we will go "haiz, if nai nai is around, it wouldn't be like this....she would have done this...done that..."
Yesterday we went for the prayer session as it was the one-year anniversary. Got a little melancholic and I kept telling myself not to think in order not to wet my eyes. My cousin told me there was once my aunty called my nai nai's house at about 12pm, the time she will always call when my grandma's still around. Coincidentally, my cousin picked up the phone and my aunty's heart almost jumped coz at that moment in time, she thought it was actually my nai nai. You see, everyone misses her and wishes she had never gone.
Well, I guess shit happens but life still goes on. I can either have myself indulge in sorrow or climb out of it and make sure I would never do the same again. I think I choose the latter. Regret is one thing that I can't handle well. I have her as my role model in my heart and I'll try to be the woman that she was when she was alive. I may not be as great as her but i would certainly try my best.
In one month's time, I will be away for a while. I hope all will be good.
I do not know for sure if that is a right decision as my heart still feel a little unease. As much as I would love to take a break, enjoy a little English life, be by krumb's side, I am worried about things at home. I would be home sick. I would miss my parents, the pointless arguments i have with sister, the company of friends.
I know it is a good opportunity for me to explore out there and see if i can find any work. It'll do good for my future. However, the thought of being so far away from home just makes me a little uneasy. I would still go ahead with the plan, rest assured. Guess I'm just being worrisome? It will be only half a year and hopefully, nothing will happen at home.
***********************
I went for the annual MRI and holter test in December. The result was out and I was there to see my doc last week. The results showed the same thing. It is still not confirm I have ARVD coz I merely fulfill the minor criteria or rather I seem to be at the early stages of ARVD. I asked the doc if it will worsen as time pass, but doc replied that there is no definite answer. It may worsen or it may not happen in my life time at all. Hence, the need to go for an annual mri check as he wants to monitor closely.
But what is confirmed is that I have PVC(Premature Ventricular Contractions) and an abnormal heart. PVC coupled with an abnormal heart would be potentially life threatening. I really do not feel like taking the medication for PVC but my doc said he is not comfortable with me not taking any medication especially when my PVC rate is very high. Guess I just have to eat this time.... Hey, i have to take every 12 hour everyday leh!!!!! and the pills are so expensive... :'( My brother is also taking another kind of pill for his heart condition and he advised me to eat the medicine. I may not think the medicine does anything for now but over time, it could potentially save my life if one day it should happen. So it is up to me whether I want to take that risk.
Doc also told me that there is a decrease in the functionality of the left chamber of my heart, from 54% last year to 49%. I was told that a normal person would be about 60%. However, some of the decrease could also be due to the measurement error during the mri test as my high PVC prevents it from taking the images accurately. Well, he said he can't say that there is a substantial progression but there is a certainly a progression. Hmm... I think what he meant was there is a progression towards deteriotion of my heart??
I wondered if what I have could be another kind of heart condition instead of ARVD. The doctor replied "The MRI basically tells the whole story." hmm..okay, i could be a potential ARVD patient then.. Or am I already one???
Anyway, if one day i should collapse and my heart stop beating, I hope my friends would be able to revive me using CPR. So peeps, please go and learn this might-potentially-save-val's-life skill!!! Oh, if one day i should faint for no reason, I need to go hospital and inform my doc too. Peeps, his name card is inside my wallet. Hahahhaa...
And if one day I should go suddenly......
I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!
All right people, stay healthy.
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