:: standby ::

I was on standby today and tmr. It was the first time i didn't called up today!
But I was activated for Denpasar turn tmr. In fact, I need to wake up at 5am...later.
Oh well, I will be coming back at 1535... so no complaint.

So today wasn't wasted after all. I studied my Biz class notes (which I'm going be trained soon) and even jote down the important things. In the end, it was pages after pages! Suddenly, I felt like I was back in school. How nice.... If only.... sigh.

My hands feel so tired after all the writings! And i feel like my brain has been over-fed with information.
I am excited to be trained for Business class but at the same time I am apprehensive about that too. The fear of working with the chiefs, the fear of not able to work as fast, the fear of not being equipped with enough product knowledge, just puts me off. It's like starting all over again, just like those times when I began working. Its really.... annoying.

Oh well, I guess its a stage I HAVE to go thru. After all my bond ends in September.

Really hope it will be all smooth sailing. :)

**************************************************************

He came over today to accompany me since I'm stuck at home waiting for any possible activation from my standby.
But... he slept most of the time while I'm studying my notes. He was feeling a bit unwell, having sore throat, cough and all.
I wished he had talk to me more coz it has been while since we last went out, talk and have fun. And recently, when he is out with me, he kept saying he was tired. So our outing didn't last long mainly coz I was put off with his tiredness. Somehow, I realised he was only tired when he's with me????

Although I should be appreciative of his effort of coming down to meet me (even for only half hour) when he was tired, somehow I felt it was not enough. Am i being demanding or taking things for granted?

For the first few times, I was touched when he came all the way down to meet me even when he is tired. But as it become so frequent, I began to think "What's the point"? Simply because, we can't do anything when he is tired. He will be grumpy and give me the vibes that he wanna go home. On some days when I'm free, all I wanted was to spend time with him, which we haven't been doing for quite a while. I would dress up and felt happy that we are finally heading out somewhere. But everytime, within 2 hours or so, he will be complaining he is tired. And what can I say? "Go home lor".
I just feel very disappointed each time.

Is it me or... what? I really don't know.

Well, I am glad he came to accompany me today though he wasn't feeling very well.

:: someone ::

And so I let it all out.
Said everything I felt.
"Nothing" was the result.
As usual the door is shut.

I thought that was enough.
It has been tough.
I just want some connection,
Not isolation.
I just need some concern,
Not some nonchalance.

You said you were here all along.
I said i have never felt so alone.
You said this is your way of loving.
I said this is all wrong.
I need someone to depend on.
But where have you gone?

I do not need someone perfect.
But someone I can relate.
I do not need someone ideal.
But someone who makes me feel real.
I do not need a superman.
But someone who can hold my hand firmly throughout our life span.
Be it good times or bad times,
Someone who is my pillar of strength;
Someone who I can say we are one.

Are you that someone?
You said you are.
You want me to believe.
I want to, baby.
But darling, you have to show me.
You said you will keep trying.
And I will be right here waiting.

:: confused ::

Feeling a bit confused about certain things.
I don't know what I'm feeling actually.
Is it going to be like this from now on? Is it going downhill. Or.. is it just temporary?
Then what am I suppose to do?

:: mushroom ::

I wanted to get a trim initially. However, i saw a model in a magazine with a haircut which i think it looked quite cute. And so i toyed with the idea of getting the same hairstyle. My long-time hair stylist said it would be nice and hence, as usual, i entrusted my precious hair to him.

It turned out to be very refreshing which i guessed many would need some time getting used to. To be honest, I had wanted to cut this hair style since i was in my teens. I just didn't have the guts to do that then. I wonder where did I find the courage to do it now. :) I called it the "mushroom head". :p

Today, I have mixed feeling about the mushroom. While I quite liked it yesterday, today seemed different and I began to find the mushroom looked kinda weird. Oh no...